Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
