After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
