Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize