the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
