I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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