I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
