I smell stomach acid.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize