Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
