lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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