If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
no you cant smoke seaweed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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