we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
