Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
