please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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