I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
