You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
