Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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