i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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