Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
