i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
