You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
