How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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