If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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