don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
