apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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