Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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