when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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