We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you win again, gameday.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
