No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
