Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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