Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She bit a glass in half.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
