how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
