I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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