My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
