She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
