I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
