how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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