My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
