They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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