after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
