those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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