You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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