Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
