You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
