So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think I just sharted jello shots
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
