Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
