Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
