Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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