Jerry, you need to find god
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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