I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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