I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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