why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize