She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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