Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize