soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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