just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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