God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
