im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
