I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
