just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize