I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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