just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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