I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
