I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
