I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
