you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
