At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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