Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
