youre lurking in front of me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
