I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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