no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
