Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
