the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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