We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I faked an abortion last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
