remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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