i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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