yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
