lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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